Epiphanies

How to Cut People Out of your life & Forget Them Completely

(A Complete Guide Designed to make You Feel Better About Yourself in General)

delete by jeffgraffit

delete by jeffgraffit

Update Aug. 22 2014/ Disclaimer: It has long come to my attention that this post is, unfortunately, one of my most popular posts on this blog, with people reaching it often typing in search words such as: how to forget someone, deleting someone, what to do after you’ve been cut off, etc. I would just like to emphasize the following:

  1. First and foremost – this is not, in any way shape or form – meant to be taken SERIOUSLY. It is a SATIRE. It is meant for comedic purposes. It is not a literal HOW TO on trying to forget someone – so if that’s what you’re looking for in here – please look somewhere else.
  2. This was meant as a post for people who want to break-up with FRIENDS, NOT a person you are in a relationship with. Being in a romantic relationship with someone is definitely very different from having such a friendship with someone, so please don’t view this post as such.
  3. This was also meant to apply to a person who is breaking up with a FRIEND  without trying to mediate the situation first, to avoid any sort of confrontation. This was supposed to be about me de-friending people before I get too close to them because I was too afraid of being de-friended first – so if this somehow, affects you personally, I apologize, but this post was not meant to reach the heights that it did, it was more of a way for me to vent.

Knowing all that, I hope I didn’t scare you away. Otherwise – enjoy.

(A/N: I hope this post comes off as satirical and comedic. I don’t actually want anybody to ever do this, I have done it way too much, and I regret it every single time. If you’re in a situation you want to get out of, I would suggest to dig deep and try to understand where the other person is coming from. I like to believe that people are inherently good and honest, and that it’s their problems/insecurities/past trauma that motivates them to become unworthy of our love and attention.)

So you’ve had it. For some reason or other, you need to get rid of this person, and you need to get rid of him/her — FAST. It doesn’t matter if she’s your in-the-moment best friend, that girl you went to high school and university that all of a sudden deleted you off Facebook, or that one-night stand — you can solve all your problems and protect yourself completely if you follow this guide right here.

Please note: this, by no means, implicates that you AREN’T the asshole who decided to break contact and forget everything this person has done for you. The situation, at this point, is moot. Just know and understand, that following these steps, is for your own protection only — maybe you don’t want to get hurt, maybe you’re afraid of what this new friendship/encounter will bring, or maybe you found an inherent flaw that you just can’t get over — doesn’t matter — deciding to cut people out of your life is for your own good, meaning you’ve consciously decided to ignore and de-legitimize what the other person could be going through/could feel after being cut/any general repercussion of the friendship having ended.

Therefore, you will have to live with this guilt for the rest of your life and you should be prepared for it.

But you already knew that before coming here.

1. Focus on your reasons for leaving.

What is it? Is it because she once said something racist you can’t quite get over? Or is it because he called and texted way too many times than you’re comfortable with?

Whatever it is, focus on it. Even better, exaggerate the shit out of it. Here’s where your imagination/paranoia can kick in.

Google him/her. That’s your best ticket to finding everyone’s dirtiest secret. Don’t be stupid and google their names, that almost never works. Most people have been privy to this googling secret and have decided to cover their cyber tracks. Google their old high school email, or maybe it’s their gamertag on  xbox or ps3 — either way, you’re going to get a hit. Most people will use the same username on websites they don’t want to be discovered in. That can range from myfitnesspal to livejasmin. Pick your vice.

Sooner or later, you’re going to stumble on a dirty little secret — maybe they have irritable bowel syndrome and signed up for a forum, or maybe they like big-breasted girls and have a paid account on a porn site — whatever it is, you’ve found your gem. Create a story that ties with their internet activities to the person you know — and BOOM. You’ve got yourself a legitimate reason to disappear from their lives forever.

Because no one, and I mean no one, would ever want their internet history found for some reason or another. There’s always something you don’t know about a person that exists somewhere on the internet — you just gotta find it and use it.

2. Start the wipe-out.

Chances are, if you’re a decent human being, a sad, defeated, “hey” every once in a while over text will be enough to make you reel back. Even looking at old Facebook photos can be a very painful process if you want to forget about a person. Which is why you should wipe everything you can about that person from your life.

I know some phones don’t completely block numbers. It blocks their calls but you can still get their texts — which is enough of a trigger for some of us. Worry not — there’s apps for that! One that’s available for Android is Mr.Number. It’s an easy enough interface that allows you to block calls and texts from any number that you want. But make sure you go on “settings” and stop those notifications from coming in, otherwise you get a sad little beep every time the person tries to contact you – and remember, no one wants to relapse!

Make sure you do a clean swipe! Mark their email addresses as spam on ALL YOUR EMAIL ACCOUNTS. The last thing you want is an email with :( on the subject and nothing but “What’s wrong?? IS EVERYTHING OK??” as content. That will tug at your heartstrings and we don’t want that. So just mark them as spam and just never check your junk mail — ever, ever, ever. Just click hitting that “Empty Junk” button and your heart will stay whole.

Last but not least, purge them off your facebook completely. That includes friendship removal, untag photos, delete your own albums, delete wall posts and (if you can) unfriend mutual friends. And most of all, BLOCK YOUR FACEBOOK so that they can’t send you a message, write on your wall, or try to friend you again. NOT EVEN A SINGLE POKE.

It is only when you’re done with the cleansing that true healing can begin.

3. Move on.

Don’t talk about it — EVER. Not to anyone. Not even your cat. Internalize that shit until it becomes a kidney stone that has to be removed. Never cry, don’t even scream. If you let a single word escape from you that attempts to explain/describe what you just did, you will break, and all your hard work will come undone. You’ll relapse; guilt will take over and you’ll send a sad, desperate text message one day while you’re drunk in Lindsey, and say, “I still love you”.

And then you’ll start getting calls you wish you didn’t hear ring, because as soon as they start reaching out, the vivid illusion you built for yourself becomes so alive and so terrifying in your mind that you are now convinced it’s real. And you’ll start stressing, and you’ll start realizing that if you pick up, you’ll have to explain yourself, and because you never really took the time to understand what scared you away, you won’t be able to come up with an answer, and you’ll slowly sink into the realization that it was your fault, that it was you who ran away. So you won’t pick up.

Until they stop calling, and then both of you revert back to step one. You’ll have to start forgetting again. You sent a text, so you probably never deleted that number in the first place. Or maybe you dug it up from old emails. Which you now have to delete. Remember. Protect yourself. If you do relapse, repeat step 1 to 2, and dedicate yourself to step 3. It’s essential after all, and is the whole point of this thing.

It’s better if you move to another city. New surroundings will help you  forget easily. It’s even better if you find a new group of friends who know nothing about your past. So constantly seek them out. Never turn down an invite to another party, to another bar, to another club.

Keep trying to surround yourself with friends to forget the fact that you once had a single, true friend you felt too scared to hold on to, because you couldn’t handle the responsibility that comes with unconditional love, but mostly because you came to a point where you realized you loved them too much and that you would do absolutely anything to prevent them from knowing who you really are only to end up dissapointed — even if that meant cutting them out of your life completely.

But don’t worry — it’s the last step. It’s only the rest of your life you have to worry about from this point on, not anybody else’s.

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41 thoughts on “How to Cut People Out of your life & Forget Them Completely

  1. “Don’t talk about it — EVER. Not to anyone. Not even your cat. Internalize that shit until it becomes a kidney stone that has to be removed.” – LOL

    Great article. I’m not a chick but I get this. There’s times I’ve been guilty of chopping people out, some warranted others not so much. I’m simply too unpredictable to ever want to commit to people who are needier than I am and hungry for attention.

    People don’t cut others off enough. They like the hangers on, the people they can call when their other friends think they’re a cnut. The drinking buddies, the drug dealers friends etc.

    I have a pretty rapid fire policy now. It isn’t based on me thinking i’m any better than anyone else either, or of some arrogance. I probably wouldn’t want myself as a friend. I simply don’t feel the need for fakery, which a heck of a lot of freindships are.

    Great blog.

    • I like that — rapid fire policy. It’s quick yet effective. I wouldn’t want myself as a friend either, but that’s because we’re our own worst critics. We know all the little judgements we choose not to air out in public. But yes, life is too short for fakery, and I’m glad you can relate despite not being female .. I thought this was only applicable to female friendships, didn’t realize male friendships has its downs too.

      Thank you for reading :)

  2. mkesling63 says:

    3 times in my life I have had to cut people off. 2 times all my own decsion and do not regret it in th eleast. They have taken ugly reprocussions too and I simply ignore them. One was done for the wrong reasons and should be repaired now that I got rid of the main reason and cut him off too. Sometimes you just have too and ignore their weak ass poking crap. THat crap can be easly ignored when the source is considered.

  3. I like to believe that people are inherently good and honest, and that it’s their problems/insecurities/past trauma that motivates them to become unworthy of our love and attention.) ~ Well said.

    • Of all the great responses this one I like the best. At this time in my life…(really old) I am coming to this realization…’IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME’…
      Forever I have suffered with really bad relationships because I always felt if I were; better, smarter, prettier..etc, etc..I could make other people be nice to me, be happier.
      Yes, if there is a problem in a relationship that causes so much pain it needs to be eliminated…it is psychologically sound. However, I would not say they are unworthy. No one is unworthy to be happy, leaving them may be the light they need to see.

  4. Lina says:

    My God; what an amazing coincidence I have spotted ‘your blog’..!!
    I really can’t believe it..!
    Are you providing advices for people to be The Perfect Assholes ?!!
    It was of course a rhetoric question: YES YOU DO – and yes I am shouting
    You are, I think, a woman; and if you are a mother: this is the kind o advice you are giving to your children?
    How To Wipe Off people of all sudden from your life! : Three Golden hints: Be The Greatest Coward (don’t give explanations) – Be the Greatest Selfish (Focus in You nobody else please!) – Don’t never look behind
    Question; are you a member of a special sect of assholes I didn’t get to know yet?!
    But dear, what human been are made off according to you? of arrogant assholes so ‘sure of theirselfs’ to wipe off people from their way cos’ these people are making then feeling bad..?
    What judgement of human relationships do you have?
    So – clearly there is a moment – according to you – that it is totally justifies to whip the shit from you (=people) and btw. you used a similar expression with no regrets, why regrets? You Are Sure You Are Always Right!!!
    I have in fact, so many questions for you that I could be writing the entire day…!; but judging for your phelgmatic personallity you may just remove my comment and don’t even respond.!! – question: why did you put flowers in the background of your blog is you are in fact CRUEL?

    • Hello Lina,

      I am sorry you feel this way — while I could’ve just as easily deleted your comment, I feel that I should address your concern as I don’t want to be misinterpreted further, as this article is one of my most “popular” posts.

      THIS ARTICLE WAS NOT MEANT IN ANY WAY TO BE SERIOUS — IT IS A SATIRE. I used this technique exactly to emphasize how WRONG it is to cut people out of your life completely without attempting to try and make amends first, in order to “save face”, or feel better about your own misgivings within a relationship.

      As I mentioned earlier in the article: “(A/N: I hope this post comes off as satirical and comedic. I DON’T ACTUALLY WANT ANYBODY TO EVER DO THIS, I have done it way too much, and I regret it every single time. If you’re in a situation you want to get out of, I would suggest to dig deep and try to understand where the other person is coming from. I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE INHERENTLY GOOD AND HONEST, and that it’s their problems/insecurities/past trauma that motivates them to become unworthy of our love and attention.)”

      So I’m sorry you misinterpreted my intent Lina, and no, I don’t always assume that I am always right. In fact, I love to be challenged and questioned, as I believe that’s the only way a person can improve and grow better.

      And Lina, whether or not I decide to put flowers on my background has nothing to do with cruelty or my personality. Flowers are pretty and they make my blog pretty. I’m sure others will agree.

      • Lina says:

        I really apreciate your response: you can’t imagine how much I do appreciate your clarification!
        And I am still wondering, why so do you write it; I mean, why do you do this satirical writing and I am sorry I misread it but at the same time..what a relief to discover there are not people (=you in this case) holding this attitude in life.
        I am glad that this misunderstanding got us in touch and who knows, maybe after all we have a bit to learn each from the other :-)

  5. Sarah says:

    I am moving on and can’t wait to get a few people completely out of my life forever – they think I don’t mean it …. lol I truly do

  6. This is a really well written article and hilarious in places, I have recently had this done to me and your article really cheered me up! so thanks :)
    it’s just a shame some people don’t seem to understand the meaning of ‘satire’ and will be using the article to help them to avoid facing themselves and to treat others as objects that can be disposed of.

    love and peace

    violet x

  7. Lina says:

    My boyfriend dissapeared from home when I returned from a business trip of a week – during this trip we have talked on the phone at least 4 times every day if not more and texted each other loving promises every day.
    When I returned home (exactly one year ago) him and all his personal belongings have dissapeared, sure he left a letter but nothing else: no chance to call him (phone permanently off), email him (no response back for months), track his way (lied to his family and even them at first didnt know where he was).
    After this amazing experience I think I have a bit of right to take ‘the topic of this blog’ in a bit of personal way (specially, and because I misread it because the title confused me and I missed the satirical intention with which it was written – and I have already apologised for it to the author) don’t you think so?

  8. Ayisha says:

    how important does a person have to be to make you want to move cities smh don’t allow yourself to give thought to this person 😂 keep sorrounded with good vibes

  9. Maria says:

    I think this article is spot on (a bit exaggerated, but clearly that was the intention). Sometimes it hurts too much/is way too draining to hold on to people that it really starts to take away from who you are as a person. Whenever I start to question who I am in any relationship – it’s usually a red flag that it’s probably time to walk away from the person making me second guess myself. It’s harsh, but sometimes life is. Live and learn, and grow from each experience.

    • Lina says:

      But hold on; I am confused now Maria, according to the author:

      “THIS ARTICLE WAS NOT MEANT IN ANY WAY TO BE SERIOUS — IT IS A SATIRE. I used this technique exactly to emphasize how WRONG it is to cut people out of your life completely without attempting to try and make amends first, in order to “save face”, or feel better about your own misgivings within a relationship.

      As mentioned earlier in the article: “(A/N: I hope this post comes off as satirical and comedic. NONE ACTUALLY WANT ANYBODY TO EVER DO THIS, I have done it way too much, and I regret it every single time. If you’re in a situation you want to get out of, I would suggest to dig deep and try to understand where the other person is coming from. I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE INHERENTLY GOOD AND HONEST, and that it’s their problems/insecurities/past trauma that motivates them to become unworthy of our love and attention.)”

  10. Your theme here is that we should NOT turn our backs on people and become lesser persons, or “assholes.” I get the sarcasm and see your point. The problem is, there are abusive relationships out there. Husbands sometimes do beat wives. Bosses often abuse power, and presidents on both sides of the aisle seem to trample constitutions at will. As a child, I was chronically beaten and verbally abused by an older sibling who later grew up and stole my inheritance – a sizable chunk that would have made me financially independent. After the theft, I broke off the relationship. Being free of continual abuse is worth more than money. It turns out that sociopaths are real (1 to 4 % of the population), though they’re not a homogeneous group to be justly stereotyped. A subset of them, nevertheless, are the sort of folk who destroy people for fun. I grew up with one of those, so I know what I’m talking about. Sometimes you have to sever ties to protect yourself. It’s reality. It takes guts, but you’ll be a better person after the breakup. I promise.

  11. Patrick says:

    I have recently been cut out of someone’s life. It hurts very much, feels like a death. I don’t know how to move forward.

    • Lina says:

      Hi Patrick,
      I am very sorry to hear that and admire your courage by saying it publicly. I went trough the same experience about two years ago and I am still sad and trying to recover from it. When someone does it to you, abd of you are a sensitive person, it pushes a high psicological judgement into you – as you analises the reasons why it happens and makes you feel unwanted and extremely guilty. I personally think it is unnatural for a human being to fully cut off someone else (except if this someone else has clearly abused or tried to entretain a emotional or psicological damaging relation – as it in this case it is obvious it has to happen in this way: ‘it is part of our sense of survival’.

  12. Chantell says:

    I have a friend who has been treating me like dir for the past 3 years. I had considerd her my best friend whilelse she considered others to be her best friends. She has hurt me so much to the extend that i nolonger feel anything when she says something bad to me. She has never been a good friend, i have bought her gifts, took her out but never did she once did something in return. I really want to get her out of my life and forget about her but the problem is that we share the same room at varsity college. I just feel stuck with her. I soetimes happen to think that mabe she is jealous of me for the fact that i am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend and she has never once got proposed by any guy and also for the fact that people always have something good to say about me and not about her. I dont know what else to do from here. I got tired of her to the extend that i just wish she could die because she is so heartless. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Hi Chantell,

      I am sorry to hear about your problems. Sadly, there will always be people who will come into your life who will be jealous of your happiness and success. The best thing to do – and this is important – is to KEEP DOING THE RIGHT THING. She is your roommate for another year — there are only a few more months left in the school year, just do the right thing and be polite, don’t cause any unnecessary trouble and survive the year doing the right thing without expecting anything in return. You said so yourself that people always talk good about you, that’s good :) that means other people are seeing the good things in you.

      You can’t control what others do to you, but you CAN control what you do to others. So as long as you know that you are in the right, that should be enough. Don’t wish her any ill will, just keep on doing your thing, and eventually, this too, will come to pass.

      Wishing you all the best

      xoxo

  13. Chris says:

    I know you wrote this awhile ago, but if you could respond then you may be able to help me out a lot. I’ve been developing feelings for someone really close to me, but I know for a fact that she doesn’t (and never will) feel the same way for me. She talks to me about everything, and has recently developed feelings for one of my good friends. Suffice to say, it’s extremely hard for me to be around her, and as hard as I’ve tried, I can’t fall out of love with her. I need to cut her out but I don’t know how. I don’t want to abandon her, but it’s far too painful for me to continue on like this. Advice?

    • Hi Chris,

      Sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time. I know you said that you know for a fact she would never like you, but it sounds like you’re a good friend to her, as she talks to you about everything. If that’s the case, I know that she would want to be a good friend to you too, and now she’s unknowingly hurting you because of talking to you about feelings for another friend, and I’m sure that’s not what she wants. You should give her the chance to be a good friend by telling her what you feel. This way, at least you gave her the opportunity to take control of the situation, instead of abandoning her completely without her knowing why. Worse comes to worse and she decides to break off the friendship so that no one gets hurt, at least now you can healthily move on without regret. Hope things turn out okay with you!

      xoxo

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