creativity by crisvector

creativity by crisvector

Response to Daily Prompt: A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma

Tell us something most people probably don’t know about you.

I am, more often than not, looking for the right words to say, and it is only when they come to life in written or spoken form, am I so thoroughly convinced, that they were the wrong ones to begin with.

Most of the time, I feel this immense pressure to write something grandiose and meaningful, as if I everything I say or do needs to matter, otherwise I’m just wasting my time.

This leads to countless of half-written drafts, always beginning with so much promise and enthusiasm, only to end in a half-mark, majestic and marvellous ideas forever left behind. I have more incomplete drafts than published ones, and I always prefer the former.

The only thing that keeps me sane is reassuring myself with the thought that I am just a side character in everyone’s stories: that most of the time, I am just a dot in the span of their whole existence, and that the things I write/say are so insignificant that it barely registers as a complete sentence in their lives. This makes me feel better about myself; knowing that I am unimportant.

But sometimes, this very thought is what keeps me up at night. On most days I want to re-position myself in everybody’s minds and force my identity to reside permanently inside them, so that they can only think of me, and never forget who I am. I suffocate at the thought of mediocrity, so I aim to gather as much attention as I can grab, so that I may reaffirm my existence through other people’s words/thoughts. If I am not talked to, or talked about, I get surreal: if I don’t make a sound I will revert to the abstract, I will cease to exist.

So I write! I write thoughts and ideas to frame my identity, to solidify my being. I let the words form physicality so that even though my body keeps aging, becoming stranger and stranger to me every day that I look in the mirror and  fail to recognize myself, my words are what remains the same and what I will undoubtedly know is still mine.

And yet it is the very pressure of having to write to re-establish my existence that drives me crazy: and so I try to convince myself that I don’t matter – it’s a never-ending thing, these fears and insecurities.

Most people think that I’m just creative. What most people don’t realize is that I have, in fact, driven myself mad.

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The Thin Line that Separates Madness from Creativity

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16 thoughts on “The Thin Line that Separates Madness from Creativity

    • I have pondered these thoughts my entire life, always feeling completely ‘abnormal’. I still do, but have found many like myself in reading these blogs. Years of psychotherapy wasted. Thank you fellow authors please keep writing. : )

  1. Sian Mann says:

    “Most people think that I’m just creative. What most people don’t realize is that I have, in fact, driven myself mad.” Love this, I can agree with you on that one!

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      • You are no more mad than the rest of society… you have the upper hand though because you actually recognise it… most of society remain unconscious of this fact… Together we have created a mad and insane world and the mind rules… It is now time for everyone to live from the heart and know that everyone is equal… taking care of themself first (cause at the end of the day nobody else will)… and be the creator of our life… happiness and joy reside within us… We are so much more than our physical body… It is time for everyone to awaken to the divinehuman being that they truly are…

  7. A devoted reader. says:

    I think your followers are proof that you have already touched more people with your words then you allow yourself to believe. As a writer, we instinctively believe in the power of the written word – we know that it takes only the right word at the right time for the right person to make a lasting impression. Just that one word – and you have published many. The beauty of this lies in the fact that you are an unsung hero. You will never meet all the lives you impact but to believe in the power of literature is to have faith in your unknown audience, faith that your contribution to our grand human conversation has been heard and acknowledged. Your contributions speak on behalf of our generations, of our time and moves our culture forward. Without every dot making his or her point we will never have a completed picture to pass on. To you and your fellow writers I say let the madness out, as mentioned above just keep writing – we are listening and soaking up all that you have to offer.

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