She keeps my
flesh tingling, eyes racing in
tippy-tappy motions, smile
unceasing, pounds increasing,
tongue stuck to the back of my throat.
Fingers twisting, spine cracking,
knuckles clenching to the beat of
my ears expanding, mind’s tripping,
treading water to keep me afloat.
Sitting, legs trembling,
lip biting, eyes darting
keeping watch for –
don’t do it, just walk away from it
keep chanting, fully knowing
despite feeling sick and found wanting
I still want more.
Keep denying, procrastinating
healing for one more day
Anxiety killing, stress reducing,
how can this be as bad as they say?
you’ve gone so far you forgot you were drowning,
enjoy this brief reprieve, you haven’t much time to give,
you’ve become your own demon just so you can live.