Day to Day Poetry, Day to Day Writing, poetry

#14

I will wait for you, darling
For the crinkle on the sides of your eyes to rise
along with those cheeks and lips
smiling at me,

as if there was still hope
left in our world.

Until then I am all verb, no adjective
passing through time
counting down to the second
until you let me in

again.

I will wait for you, love,
give you the space and distance
the size of a galaxy
that you need,

if it’s my non-existence you want,
you’ve got it babe,
I’ll stop existing for you

what I’ll do for you is limitless,
there are no absolutes in this heart of mine
if forever is what you want,
I’ll give it –

I will wait for you,
even if it doesn’t end,
even if I am forever pounding clenched fists
against an unbreakable wall,
this is my sacrifice,
my overall meaning

fighting for nothing,
waiting for nothing,
hope is the communion I take
for the madness of my sins.

This sadness is the only thing I feel,
my only purity,
the last
of my  humanity.

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Day to Day Poetry, Day to Day Writing, poetry

#12 Ghost conversations

I spend my days writing words you will never read –
I spread myself out in social media for you,
hoping you would come across at least one of them
and read and marvel and wonder why you wasted all this time
not wanting to get to know me –
I am but a click away from baring it all,
my body and words burnt permanently across the internet
silently screaming for you to right-click and save as a keepsake
taking up a megabyte in your terabyte hard drive that
you built in the wooden floor of the apartment we once lived in
which you abandoned so that you can enjoy this new life
I am no longer a part of.

I made it easy for you.
Didn’t scream, didn’t fight; just folded my legs underneath my knees
and kept sitting;
my fingers trembling as I continued painting a canvas
I was mentally un-dedicating for you.
Kept watching Netflix while I listened to you packing your bags in the hallway
hoping for a second of silence to tell me you’re hesitating,
that you’re thinking twice about walking away.
But like everything else in your life, once you decided something,
you stuck to it, and kept going –
not a single pause for the days and nights we spent together
holding each other like we were the only people in the world.

Are you reading me yet?
Am I getting through that stone-cold armour even the apocalypse
can’t break through?
I dig through our memories until it rings white noise in my head,
our image a sea of blurred white dots against an ocean of static –
We are old news; a corrupted save file I can no longer reload,
and yet I keep trying.

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Character Portraits

#10 Mary Sue

Here he sits, the sunlight reflecting off the blonde strands of his hair. He is sipping coffee (very black). He talk, talk, talk, sips, and then talks. He is sitting with a brunette: she is thin and proper. Her lips are red, her legs doesn’t end. He tells her about how a gram of cocaine in Panama will set you back 2 bucks. 2 measly fucking bucks. Can you believe it? About the war in Palestine, missiles in Russia. Hackers called Anonymous. Snowden.

She nods and she listens.

She has very clean fingernails, cut to the proper lengths, they are not chipped nor they are stained. Her legs are crossed, and she doesn’t wear heels. She’s wearing shorts and a white v-cut top: she is showing just enough skin to keep him at the edge of his seat–please note:

She isn’t me, but I imagine her quite well.

On her back is a tattoo of a swan, about to take flight, its wings stretched to the edges of her shoulder blades – if you look close enough, the black ink against her skin can be substituted for her wings.

This tattoo is complete. It’s elegant and well-thought out, not rushed, nor typical. Everyone who sees it stare in bewilderment, and doesn’t use it as an excuse to touch her body. It also goes well with the edelweiss tattoo on his shoulder. On lazy days, they like to lay together in bed and watch each other’s tattoo rise and fall with the rhythm of their breathing.

Her back is straight, her eyes strong: she is listening to every word he is saying, she completely understands, she doesn’t ask questions. She doesn’t know anything about heroin, or cocaine, but she knows a lot about marijuana. She probably likes hash. She probably only smokes purple cush. She can recite all the countries at war in alphabetical order. She has monitored every move Trump has made after winning the election. She participates in rallies and is the head of an anonymous anarchist group. Her favourite band, above all, is Portishead. But she can tolerate The Smashing Pumpkins on a really good day.

She drives. She’s lived in one place her whole life but she can dream about going to Cuba from time to time. Probably to volunteer. She replies to every text he sends, to emails within a day. SHE IS RELIABLE.

She has her own magazine. It’s online and independent but it’s a start. She is on the editorial team of two magazines, a financial journalist for some investor’s blog and an occasional contributor to the Toronto Star. He can call her and she knows the rights words to make him happy – because she believes in every word he says. That’s key, I think. She also tells lies: it keeps him entertained. It keeps them together for four years. It is what she tells him, what he tells her, on nights when they smoke joints on the roof of their university. It is what brings him to her after a shift at Second Cup, his heart boiling with unhappiness and distaste for his co-workers: it is what she sees on his face when he showed up at her door bruised and broken, having just spent a night in jail for sitting in Queen Street with a backpack full of European maps, protesting G20. It is what keeps him hard when he fucks her, it is what gets her to moan and clench a fistful of his skin from his thighs—

It is what’s in the letters, passed back and forth, from Berlin to Toronto: marked by dates and clumsily drawn hearts and I love you’s and I miss you’s and when are you coming back to me?

She isn’t me.

And she sits, her back straight, calm and serene. She sits, confident and aloof, hands on top of her lap.

She sits, and she is still, and she does not doubt.

She sits, and she smiles.

She sits, and does not weep.

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Epiphanies

So, you want to be a writer?

Original source is from redditor: thenameisnick

Today, I had a good, long talk with my neighbour, who is eleven years older than me, a person I have come to see over the years as my older brother, about the general question people my age, the young twenty-somethings, are always asking: “What do I do now?”

Since he started his university career with a Physics degree and then, upon re-examining his life on his second year, decided to switch to Computers, I always saw him as the practical, logical kind of advisor who would knock some sense into my abstract mind. To my surprise, the first thing he stressed, was for me to bring back a blog to showcase my writing.

I tried to usher his attention back to my retail, administrative and customer service experience, thinking we should focus on my “more marketable skills”, but he quickly stressed the importance of the blogs I’ve been writing articles for and my research experience. I tried to convince him, in so many words, without looking and sounding too pathetic, that I’ve already given up on that pipe dream and that now, he needs to help me figure out something else. He then said, “You can try other things, but I think on the meantime, you need to do is to go home and make another blog. Put the articles you’ve published, write more of your abstract work. Because THAT is what you’re good at, THAT is what you love, THAT is what you have to do.”

I then scoured the internet trying to find the right words to describe what I understood from today, but instead stumbled into a Reddit link, originally uploaded by thenameisnick in r/gaming.

I hope you feel the same inspiration I felt from reading this comic.

So, you want to be a game developer?

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