Day to Day Poetry, Day to Day Writing, poetry

#12 Ghost conversations

I spend my days writing words you will never read –
I spread myself out in social media for you,
hoping you would come across at least one of them
and read and marvel and wonder why you wasted all this time
not wanting to get to know me –
I am but a click away from baring it all,
my body and words burnt permanently across the internet
silently screaming for you to right-click and save as a keepsake
taking up a megabyte in your terabyte hard drive that
you built in the wooden floor of the apartment we once lived in
which you abandoned so that you can enjoy this new life
I am no longer a part of.

I made it easy for you.
Didn’t scream, didn’t fight; just folded my legs underneath my knees
and kept sitting;
my fingers trembling as I continued painting a canvas
I was mentally un-dedicating for you.
Kept watching Netflix while I listened to you packing your bags in the hallway
hoping for a second of silence to tell me you’re hesitating,
that you’re thinking twice about walking away.
But like everything else in your life, once you decided something,
you stuck to it, and kept going –
not a single pause for the days and nights we spent together
holding each other like we were the only people in the world.

Are you reading me yet?
Am I getting through that stone-cold armour even the apocalypse
can’t break through?
I dig through our memories until it rings white noise in my head,
our image a sea of blurred white dots against an ocean of static –
We are old news; a corrupted save file I can no longer reload,
and yet I keep trying.


Things I Learned from Magic: The Gathering that Applies in Real Life

the gathering by harrybuddhapalm

the gathering by harrybuddhapalm

So I went to my first game store gathering last night — and, it went okay

At first, not gonna lie, it was a bit intimidating entering a poorly-lit, suspicious smelling basement full of men hunched over video games, only to occasionally glance around to spectate. You can pretty much be assured that for every game you play, somebody somewhere is closely watching and measuring your skills. Not to mention that being a girl, I knew everyone was on the mindset that I would suck terribly at every game I attempt at.

Which is to say, not far from the truth, but hey, I’m here to learn.

I did manage to win a few single-player MTG rounds (all casual play) and I won once on a multi-player round, but that was because I managed to build up my battlefield with 3x Balustrade Spy, 2x Duskhunter Bat, Void Maw, Gristle Grinner and for the triumphant cast: Army of the Damned (at this point I was all tapped out), and wiped out 3 opponents in 1 turn, so suffice to say, I got damn lucky.

But amidst that victory, I was also beaten relentlessly. While geting bashed by a–amongst all decks–freakin’ Tibalt deck, my opponent (also my friend of 10 years and counting) kept telling me what moves I was doing wrong. He kept doling out useful advice, which made sense as soon as he said it, but things like, me being trigger-happy and overly eager with attacking, left me defenceless and vulnerable.

Which got me thinking on my commute to work today: there are things I learned playing Magic The Gathering in four months, that I failed to realize on my 24 years of traversing this world.

The first of which is:

3. Don’t get too greedy.

The first hand I drew was so good that despite not having enough islands, I decided to stick with it. My opening hand consisted of Simic Manipulator, Cryptoplasm and Consuming Aberration. I had 3 swamps in my opening hand, but no islands, and still I decided to stick with the hand in the hopes that I’d pull an Island during my turn.

Painful mistake.

I ended up not pulling any more mana and fighting with a mono-red aggro, the round ended fairly quickly. When I conceded, my friend told me, “Never play with a hand where you can’t cast anything by the second turn. It’s not worth the risk.”

Life lesson:

Don’t be greedy. Learn to delay your gratification in hopes that your sacrifice today, will pay off tomorrow. It’s the same mindset when you go out and have a drink: should I spend $X amount of dollars and have a blearily remembered, black-out drunk fun tonight or save what I would be spending now and spend it on a home, a companion pet or dream vacation?

2. Always keep track of the things you’ve lost, and be prepared to unearth them at an optimal time.

With my friend playing a Tibalt deck, he constantly surprised me with the “unearth” ability. For example, that damn Hellspark Elemental, that has both haste, and 2 drop unearth, kept rising from the graveyard and kicking my ass. Though I knew that Hellspark Elemental was in his graveyard, just waiting to be unearthed, after a few turns, I’d forget — attack with all the creatures I have, leaving me vulnerable — only to have him unearth this monster on my ass.

He always casted him with a profoundly disappointed expression too:

old meme, I know

old meme, I know

Life lesson:

Never forget what you’ve lost, because you learn from all of them.

This is so true on so many levels. People spend most of their time trying to forget about their mistakes, or running away from them, that they miss its real value: to gain experience.

And the beautiful thing about mistakes, is that you’re the one who made them! Once you admit that to yourself, you can go about fixing it and making it better. And once you have fully accepted them, nobody can  use them against you.

1. You become the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. If you want to get better, seek better opponents.

And lastly, what I love the most about Magic, is that you are only as good as the people you play with. It doesn’t matter if you think you have the best aggro deck around, and if you beat everyone in your local game store — someone is always going to be better than you. And if you want to be better than that person, you will be forced to step outside of your comfortable circle and seek different players to beat so you can upgrade your skill.

Life lesson:

Don’t limit yourself to the people you associate with now. Expand your social circle and see what you can learn from others. You will be surprised at how many different types of people are out there.

I believe that we’re all planeswalkers, travelling from one world to the other (high school life to college life to adulthood). We start our lives with our own traits and personalities (mana) that we depend on to  build relationships (creatures), abilities (instants and sorceries) and lessons/encouragements we gather from our circle (enchantments/artifacts). But in order to become a better planeswalker, we need to keep customizing our deck, keep balancing out our advantages with our disadvantages, and keep seeking better opponents in order to gain experience.

Ah, wouldn’t life be so much easier if everything was measured by xp points?